It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
