...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
