I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
