Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would punch a child for taco bell
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
