Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
