honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
