you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
