so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
