if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
