the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
