Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize