I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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