Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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