i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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