I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
