Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize