I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
