She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
