hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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