so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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