she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
is it fun? or sober?
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