i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
