Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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