youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
