my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
