Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
