Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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