he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
