You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
