I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
