I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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