he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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