Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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