The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
