my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
