Jerry, you need to find god
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
