On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
