Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
