I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
