It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
