So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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