you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
