Do you still have your period?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
