they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
