i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
