this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
