we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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