dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
