My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
