If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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