I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
