my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
