ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
