nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
