come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
