Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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