I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
