you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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