Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
