You can't motorboat a personality
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
