is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
