you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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