3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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