You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
