I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
