Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
