I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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