Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
