She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
