babies were throwing up all over the place
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
