we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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