Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
