I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
