The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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