I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
