i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Shame - the story of my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
