I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
