do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
