Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
