just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
