I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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