two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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