Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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