Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
