Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
