i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
