i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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