We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
