There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
