I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone came in the potted fern
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
