To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I touched a dick in church today
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize