i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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