Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need water and some morals
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
