id be glad to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My ass is underappreciated
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
