none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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