Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
