No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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