She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
