wat bout pragnant strippers??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
