My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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