Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
