went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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