I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
