Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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