I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
