My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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